CNN iReport

"RETURN TO SENDER"

On a recent South African classic car "safari" up near the Cullinan mine, where the famous "Star of Africa" diamond was discovered in 1905, I found my own "diamond in the rough"- a rare left hand drive, 5/7 seater '61 Chevrolet Suburban. Incredibly, after lying out under the harsh African sun for the last 30 years, the body had only minor rust. Granted it needed a bit of work but the only thing that really concerned me was the badly damaged, (yellow/black) curved shaped windscreen. The owner, Monty (83), a sun baked, wily African Boer offered to sell it to me but only if I accepted his challenge - TO RETURN THE VEHICLE TO GM HEADQUARTERS!  Somewhat amused, I told him I'd think it over.

On route up to the Namibian border, I stopped in a "dorp" (village) and came across an original '53 Chevy hearse. It looked like something you'd see in an early Bond movie or used by Papa Doc's dreaded secret police, the Ton ton Macute to "voodoo" terrorize local Hatians. The owner, a stocky looking Afrikaaner was somewhat surprised and suspicious to find an odd looking foreigner interested in his old, abandoned hearse. But after discovering I was Irish, and not a "Brit" (those lads have long memories of the Boer War!) a deal was done. My plan was to get it transported down to the Cape, fix it  up and rent it out as a movie "prop" vehicle. As I headed for the Namibian border, another idea came into my head, Why not paint it black / cream, tint the windows and approach Guinness (my favourite drink) to see if they would be interested in launching a unique marketing campaign. "Dead on Time" wouldn't be a bad slogan!

Driving through the sweltering Namibian desert, my thoughts kept returning to that '61 Chevrolet Suburban, the "burb in the bush",  I just couldn't leave it there to "RIP" (rust in peace!) This old GM classic had plenty of life left in it. Suddenly, I got an idea. Why not take up Monty's challenge? I'd simply fix it up, ship it to Buenos Aires, drive it West over the Andes to Chile, up through South / Central America / Mexico, to GM's Detroit car park!  With some serious losses, perhaps those GM marketing lads could use this old Chevy for a unique publicity campaign!

Over a well earned, cold beer in the Namibian coastal town of Luederitz, another idea came into my head! If I was going on this exciting adventure, "Why not make a road trip TV doccie?" Surely viewers and those TV network lads must be fed up with all those reality shows? Here was a real life adventure - a cool, rugged, weather-beaten vehicle, spectacular scenery, plenty of classics to track down and interesting characters to interview about their cars and lives. I had the time, passion, experience, energy and with all my Cape Town movie contacts, it wouldn't be difficult to round up a motley crew of 3/4.

Sadly, I wasn't exactly flush having invested considerably in my own '40's -'60's collection of weather beaten, movie "prop" classics - Bentleys / Chevy Pick Ups and so on. Granted, renting them did pay for some of those costly "hospital" bills but if I was going to restore, ship this old Chevy across the Atlantic and film the whole adventure, I needed a partner. Any adventurous souls out there?

Slan,

The Celt!

Psst, this morning I woke up thinking it wouldn't be a bad idea to take the "burb in the bush" up through Southern Africa to Mombasa and load it on a ship bound for Buenos Aires. But after checking out CNN, apparently the Kenyan coast is swarming with pirates and the last thing I want is some rag tag , smelly Somali pirate driving around with ten of his pirate buddies in my  "burb demanding $ off me!

Still, it could make a cool, action adventure movie - "Paddy and di Pirates!"