As I stumble out of bed every morning I am reminded that Autism has forever changed my family. Our lives have not been the same since our son was diagnosed with ASD five years ago this month. Never would I have dreamed that the next five years would be so full of struggle, and true heartache.

I had thought that I was going to be a father whose biggest worry was if my son was going to like Tee-Ball. Instead I became the father who stayed up at night frightened that my autistic son would try and sneak out of the house while we slept. While other fathers worried about their children watching too much TV, I worried about the notion my son may never be fully potty trained. Five years ago when my son was diagnosed I had no idea of the roles I was going to be asked to play...

Some days I am asked to be a fierce advocate who stands up against people who might not view my child with autism as the same gift that I do. On other days I am called to become an eternal fountain of patience as we deal with my child's tantrums, "stimming", or other odd behaviors that nobody else understands but me. Then there are those times I am required to become the ultimate fundraiser as my wife and I try and figure out how we are going to pay for this months round of speech therapy.

There was a time when I was so completly broken by all of the stress I was living with. I was running on empty and living my life without any real sense of hope. It seemed I was always grouchy, irritable. I was constantly sick while my diet and sleeping habits entered all time lows. (does any of this sound familiar?)

What I did not realize at the time was that I was suffering from "stress sickness". This is an illness that I have seen in so many other of the parents of ASD children that I meet all the time. We feel rundown, without energy, and with a new mood every five minutes.. Each day is about survival, and complete selfless living.

What I have since realized was that I was being selflessly unhealthy. In those early years of battling autism I spent no time looking in the mirror to even check to see how I was feeling.

Looking back I can see that the more "stress sick" I became....the more my autistic son suffered. I was not caring for him the way that I should have. That does not mean that I was not intentionally to not do my best parenting job I could. It means that my lack of energy, my emotional state, and my anxiety levels were affecting what kind of parent I was being. The worst part of all was that my son began to reflect all the negative behaviors I was showing him!

For example on the days I was quick to anger my son would throw the biggest tantrums. On the day's I felt stressed and hurried my son would stim non-stop. On the day's I felt like I lacked the energy to do anything my son would not want to do anything but stay inside his own little world. This stress sickness I had was absolutely affecting the care my son was receiving from me.

I was a prisoner to this stress until I discovered that there were ways that I could begin to manage it. Once I found out that there were various ways that I could combat stress I had to get over my own martyrdom. I had to convince myself was that I had time in the day to focus on my own needs. After all when is there time for self care when I have an intense IEP to plan for?

However, the more I thought about my own stress levels I began to realize how important it was to take care of my own needs. If I wanted to be the warrior that my little guy needed, I first had to make sure I was up for the fight. That meant dealing with the stress that permeated my life!

If I wanted to be the best parent I could possibly be for my son I needed to first make sure I was taking care of myself.

Duh!

Now that I have been managing my stress for the past year I cannot imagine how I was surviving before. I have more energy, I am more patient, and most of all I am filled with a new attitude of hope. I have started to become the parent that I knew my heart was begging me to be. Although I am not perfect, I am offering my son the very best of care that I can.

After my life and parenting skills were so positively changed by managing my stress I knew I wanted to help parents of ASD children. I want them to know that for the sake of their children to find ways to help take care of themselves by managing the unique stress they suffer from.

A main goal of mine was to help give parents the same resources that I used to help dig my way out of the mountain of stress that for many years I was buried under. I asked stress expert Gene Monterastelli how could I share this knowledge with other parents. At my urging he agreed to create a set of tools just for parents of ASD children.
With that in mind he created a site that has a bunch of free resources on it to help parents of special needs children manage their stress.
It is located right here:
http://asdparentsupportnetwork.com
I know that the stress management tips he has made available have changed my life, and the life of my autistic son!
Blessing,
jr