"Return to Sender" (African "bush" adventure)

January 25, 2009 | Cape Town, South Africa | Vetting explained

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Piers

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"RETURN TO SENDER" On a recent South African "safari" up near the Cullinan mine, where the famous "Star of Africa diamond was discovered in 1905, I found my own "diamond in the rough"- a rare left hand drive, 5-7 seater '61 Chevrolet Suburban. Incredibly, after lying out under the harsh African sun for the last 30 years, the body had only minor rust. Granted it needed a bit of work but the only thing that really concerned me was the badly damaged, (yellow/black) curved windscreen. The owner, Monty (83), a sun baked, wily African Boer offered to sell it to me but only if I accepted his challenge - TO RETURN THE VEHICLE TO GM HEADQUARTERS! Somewhat amused, I told him I'd think it over and set off to check out another classic - a '35 Chevy Pick Up, on the Skeleton Coast, a heavily restricted diamond mining area in Namibia.

On route up to the Namibian border, I took a detour to check out a rare '53 Chevy hearse, lying abandoned in a local funeral parlour. This hearse looked like something you'd see in an early Bond film or used by Papa Doc's dreaded secret police, the Ton ton Macute to "voodoo" terrorize local Hatians. The somewhat suspicious, burly looking Afrikaaner who, after discovering I was an Irishman and not a "Brit" (these guys have long memories of the Anglo-Boer war!) agreed to sell me the vehicle. I knew this weather beaten hearse would be no problem to rent out on a Cape Town shoot and certainly compliment my other movie "prop" classics. Or maybe I'd paint it black / cream, tint the windows and approach Guinness (my favourite drink) to see if they'd be interested in launching a unique marketing campaign. "Dead on Time" wouldn't be a bad slogan! Driving through the sweltering Namibian desert, my thoughts kept returning to that "burb in the bush". As a Chevrolet enthusiast, I just couldn't leave it there to "RIP" (rust in peace!) This old classic had plenty of life left in it. Suddenly, I got an idea. Why not take up Monty's challenge? I could easily fix it up, ship it over to Buenos Aires, drive it over the Andes into Chile, up through South / Central America / Mexico, to GM headquarters! Who knows, maybe those GM marketing dudes could use this old Chevy for a unique publicity / poster campaign or exhibit it in their museum! With some serious current losses, these lads needed all the help they could get!

A few hours later, over a well earned, cold beer in the Namibian coastal town of Luederitz, I was still thinking about Monty's "burb in the bush" when another idea flashed into my head..... Why not drive it up through South Africa to Mombasa? I'd begin in Cape Town, travelling up through South Africa, into Botswana, stopping to view some amazing wildlife in the Okavanga Delta. My next destination would be Vic Falls, following the Zambesi river through Zambia / Malawi / Tanzania with maybe a detur into Rwanda / Uganda and finally into Kenya. In Nairobi, I could do all the post production at a friend's film studio and then concentrate on pre-selling the "doccie" to various TV networks like National Geographic, BBC and so on. If the "doccie" was well received, I could drive down to Mombasa, ship the "burb" to Buenos Aires and head to Detroit. Mind you with all those pirates off the Kenyan coast, there's a risk the "burb" would end up ferrying a load of AK-47 pirates around Somalia which wasn't exactly in my plans!

Over another ice cold, "Windhoek", another idea flashed into my head! Why not make a road trip TV "doccie? Surely viewers and those TV network lads must be fed up with all those reality shows? Here was a true life adventure! Everything was in place - a cool, rugged, weather-beaten vehicle, spectacular scenery, plenty of classics to track down and interesting characters to interview about their cars / lives. I had the time, passion, experience, energy and with all my Cape Town movie contacts, it wouldn't be difficult to round up a motley crew of 3/4.

Sadly, I wasn't exactly flush having invested considerably in my own '40's -'60's collection of Bentleys / Chevy Pick Ups and so on. Granted, renting them out as Cape Town movie "prop" vehicles did pay for some of those costly "hospital" bills but if I was serious, I'd have to find a partner. I felt pretty confident any investment would be taken care of from DVD / TV network sales.... Any adventurous souls out there?

Slan
The Celt
"Life's a journey, not a destination!"

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