CNN iReport

Before I begin, I just want to say one thing. Do not stay through the credits after Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. Nothing happens. What happens before they start however, is some of the biggest, most unbelievable effects I’ve ever seen in a movie. And the unbelievability doesn’t stop there! It’s infected it’s way into the acting, the plot, and the overall premise. 

I could go on about how I thought the characters didn’t match up, or there wasn’t enough Soundwave. But I accept the movie for what it is. A clever attempt by massive corporations to hock merch. That’s the show I grew up with, and the only thing that hasn’t ‘transformed’.

I would like to thank Micheal Bay for his excessive use of the 360 spinning crane cam. All too often I wonder what the backs of characters look like in a conventional scene. And even if I do see them I keep wondering if they change when the dialog ping-pongs between characters. The nauseating spinning camera effect used in excess here keeps me informed.

I would also like to express my appreciation for the several consecutive shots of Megan Fox running away, in slow motion, from explosions. I’m certain that scientists will be able to extrapolate many books on information in the field of boob jiggling. There is just no other film in history that captures it here, and in so many angles.

So while it’s got all that going for it, I just wish I could have a cut of the film that features nothing but robot on robot carnage, which is usually the main reason I’m watching a movie in the first place.

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen starts Wednesday everywhere. The film is 2 hours 20 minutes. And is rated PG-13 for Adult Language. Sexual content. Drug use. Violence. … That’s right. PG-13.

I love America.

Kevin Farren

www.bayoucitybeat.org

Check out my collection at http://www.ireport.com/docs/DOC-279277