CNN iReport

When I first heard that President Obama planned to give money to the banks, the ones whose greed caused much of this financial crisis in the first place, I was a bit confused. I wondered how he could trust the greedy few to assist the communities for whom they had already caused problems. I realize not all bankers and lenders have behaved badly, but there have been a significant number of reports of fraud and injustice against the financial industry. Still, I kept hearing about the "trickle down" effect and hoped we at the bottom would soon receive some help.

Well, unfortunately, I am still losing my home, so I have to say that the trickle that was supposed to come to me and my community members in Tucson is probably being given to someone as a bonus for their hard work. Please don't get me wrong: I believe people should be rewarded for their hard work, but  not at the expense of the people for whom they received the bailout in the first place. I realize I have digressed into a discussion about the bailout money, but I'm still a bit peeved about that too. I have not received a single "trickle" so far, but hope springs eternal.

I read an article in a London paper criticizing our President and England's leadership for dealing too gently with the banks. The reporter suggested that the leaders might need to declare a moratorium on foreclosures to give people in trouble time to find a job, rather than expecting folks to find jobs that don't exist. This was mentioned in opposition to the "asking banks to participate" idea, suggesting the leaders needed to wield some of their power in support of those who have little or no power. In my case, I've been looking for work, but few companies in Tucson are hiring, and the few that are can afford to be really picky since they get 50 and 60 applicants for individuals in my profession. The jobs that are available---store clerks, video rental store clerks, grocery baggers, etc.---pay so little that a single parent cannot afford to pay a mortgage on that salary.

As far as the stimulus money that came to Arizona, our Governor was reluctant to accept it, but finally did, and for that I am grateful. I am not, however, seeing results as far as jobs opening up in my area. It seems that debates with our state legislators is of greater importance than taking care of our communities. I have been reading how ACORN and other non-profit agencies have been working with lenders on behalf of homeowners in order to secure loan modifications that lenders and homeowners can agree upon. That is a fabulous thing. But, since each situation varies in the details---for instance, my mortgage is not held by a bank but by a family of private lenders, so President Obama's interventions do not seem to apply to me---some people are finding help while others do not. I have written to my state legislators, including the Governor, numerous times, but they've been largely unresponsive. I will remember that come election time.

I would like to briefly say, on behalf of the many homeowners who have been accused as I have of being lazy and trying to buy houses that were out of their range, that some cases are totally different. I have lived in my home for 17 l/2 years and raised two sons here after the death of my 1991 Gulf War veteran husband. I got behind when my youngest adult son was hospitalized with Disseminated Valley Fever which ate through his spine in several places; obstructed his breathing to the point where had to have a tracheotomy; left him with meningitis on his brain so he was delirious and suicidal; and caused major stomach upset so that he vomited often, spiked fevers, and was fed through a tube in his stomach. He couldn't speak and often didn't know where he was.

My son nearly died, and that was the original prognosis. So those of you who are parents or who have had close loved ones die might be able to understand why I decided to do my best not to abandon him to die. My son's employer could not afford to offer health care, so I applied for state coverage for  my son. I also applied to have a full-time nurse or aide assigned to my son so he wouldn't choke to death on his own vomit (he had to have at least 3 people in order to move or turn so his fragmented spine could be kept in line). When this was considered too expensive, I made the decision to act as his nurse. Many nights I turned him on his side holding the three major points of his body as if I were three people, and held him for the 25 minutes it took for someone to respond to his call button. God used me to save his life!

Unfortunately, my idea to refinance my house, to take money out to live on, and to pay a year's mortgage in advance (after I was notified by a friend that my home was in foreclosure) translated into an opportunity to be taken advantage of by a seemingly kind broker. My friend trusted this person, so I did too, and was so wrapped up in my son, I was not as aware as I wish I had been of what was happening. Months later (he was in the hospital and a nursing home for 10 full months), as my son was sent home to continue his recovery with me, I began to settle down as I realized he was being healed! A few months later, I re-read my loan documents and discovered what a horrendous deal I had made.

I went through many housing counselors who were so overwhelmed, they were not helpful. I filed a complaint with my State Attorney Generals Office, but without a lawyer, I can't take that any further. I had a really good job, so when I filed for bankruptcy, I was keeping up with the payments. Then I was laid off! Now, the bankruptcy has been canceled and I am at the mercy of the lender and the broker who claim that my $19,500 pre-payment was never paid. It is all a big mess: my credit is ruined, my home hangs in the balance, my reputation is taking a beating, but I hold tightly to my faith. I write, do odd jobs, whatever I can while I continue to look for work. But, I'm not feeling too happy about the economic stimulus plan right now, at least, not for how it affects me. I still haven't experienced that trickle yet.

I keep praying that somehow things will work out, but I know many sweet people who have already lost homes in my community, so it is possible we will be next. But, mostly, for the record, I wanted to state that popular opinion is NOT correct: we troubled homeowners are not all lazy and irresponsible. Some of us suffered a genuine family or health crisis or both, and not having jobs hasn't helped. So, when you hear of people who are moving in with relatives, or into a shelter, pray for them rather than put them down. You never know what was going on for them, and you never know how close YOU might be to falling into a similar hole because you or a loved one gets sick or loses his or her job.

May God bless America and bless us to find ways to help our citizens, not demonize them.