CNN iReport

Boy oh boy. Aren't we just having fun with that newly validated form of fat-phobia on planes.

On a flight this week, a large, not entirely grossly overweight woman was heckled on my flight. The poor woman was all hips and boobs. The heckling came of course from a five-foot-nothing prima donna princess, who reeked of cigarette smoke and pot and arrived late for the flight. Fine, don't sit next to large lady, even though she was here first. Here, here, ma'am, I'm happy to sit next to you and bump up the armrest, even if your soft thighs touch my rock-hard ones. It's a flight, for chrissakes, just another form of mass transit. We won't die if we touch.

Not good enough for United. No siree, Ms. Flight Attendant found it necessary to join in on Ms. Petite Prima Donna's excessive rantings, leading to the removal of the Rotund Madam. A perfectly good seat awaited Ms. Rotund next to me. But no. It had to escalate to "Don't come back until you can afford First Class or Jenny Craig." Which then led to Ms. Rotund's tears. Mission accomplished. Reward the rude and humilate the fat.

Was that necessary? Seriously.

Yeah, sitting next to someone who's larger may be uncomfortable, but let's grow up a bit. This has become unnecessarily shameful. I realize that 700 complaints about fat passengers calls for some action, but is publicly embarrassing them the way to do it? And don't give me that crap about fuel prices or passenger safety.

Rest assured, airline industry, I'm getting to work on the first of *800* letters of complaint to you about screaming, bratty kids (if it's "fattie's fault" for not controlling their food intake, then it's the parent's fault that they can't control their kids) who kick my seat and make life miserable or the guy who talks at the top of his lungs so that he is noticed throughout the entire flight. Whiteknucklers who are afraid to fly: get therapy or take medication. You having a panic attack is not my or the rest of the passengers' problem. No, Ms. Mommy, you cannot put that bag under my seat because all four of yours don't fit under yours. Hell no I am not switching seats because you want to sit with your boyfriend. Try booking earlier next time.  No, I will not take a later flight because you overbooked. Try not selling seats you don't have next time. Switch out of the exit row because you are 6'4", a seat  which I snagged by arriving at the airport 3 hours earlier so I could have some extra leg room for my long legs? Screw you. Book First Class next time. Cattle class wasn't made for you, either, so suck it up, upgrade, or don't fly.

Yes, United, if you can call out fatties for "passenger comfort" then it's time to call out the other offenders. Let's accommodate no one. Let's make flying for the select few people and let everyone else take the bus/train/drive/stay at home and wait until they can afford Jenny Craig or First Class. Let me know how well those ticket prices work out for you then.