CNN iReport

Hi, my names Lola and I'm from Philadelphia, PA. I'm a 21 year old male-to-female transgender. I've always been a Cher fan and apon hearing about her daughter (now son) I was fascinated so I thought I'd share  my story. Every transgender/transsexual individual has a story to tell.

I've always felt something wrong when I was younger. I always walked on my tippy toes and played with dolls, instead of playing football and sports like other young boys. When I reached High School, I came out as gay. It was a very big change for me. I was finding myself, or so I thought. It wasn't till about a year or so after I dropped out of high school and went to trade school that I realized that I never thought like a man, or even acted like one for that matter. It took me some time to realize that my feminine mindset and behavior was due to the fact that I was a woman trapped in a body that did not seem mine. I've always thought I was supposed to be a female and my mother even admitted to wanting a girl at the time of her pregnancy with me. After I opened the Pandora's Box of my life, there was no turning back.

I slowly became more feminine and allowed myself to be my full self. I wore more feminine attire and experimented with make-up. My family accepted my change, all of them except for my Mother who found it difficult to accept that I was no longer her son. Which I can understand now looking back. She got used to the idea and now 3 years later is very accepting of my lifestyle and choice to be myself and not matter about what people say about me.

I've been living in the same house for the past 16 years. Friends and neighbors got used to it, some don't talk to me anymore as a result of my transition. I'm actually just beginning my transition, but I am happy now that I am starting and excited about what the future will hold for  me. I'm not interested in a full operation. Vaginalplasty  is not necessary for me, but for some it is. My transition is more mental then physical.

Now that I'm living as a woman, my life has changed drastically. Relationships have become harder then I thought. And every time I step outside I get so many looks and people speaking about me. It can be frustrating at times but I learned to ignore people while I'm out in the city. More men have taken an interest in me though. Some who know about me, and some who don't. The men who take a liking to me are mostly straight and bisexual men. With that said, I never really hide the fact that I'm a transgendered woman. As soon as I get the feeling a person doesn't know and is starting to like me, I tell them. Surprisingly,  mostly all the guys I've informed have not really reacted in any negative way.

I'm currently unemployed and struggling to find a job to keep myself financially stable. It's quite difficult. I've been trying to get a job as a showgirl, because it is my dream and the job would be very easy for me. But even that has been difficult for me to land. As much as my life goes, it's just beginning. I'm only 21, and I'm sure things will go better for me.

I really don't know what else to write at the moment, but thank you for reading. If theres anything you want from me, contact me.

Lola