CNN iReport

Three years ago the man I loved and the father of my daughters took his own life. Suicide was something that seemed so unreal and impossible to me until that tragic day. Nicolas was a loving father who had issues dealing with his problems but it did not seem to be anything out of the ordinary. I entered a state of shock when I learned that he had taken his life. I did not want to face my daughters because I was scared of their reaction and felt like no matter what I said; I would be shattering their lives forever. His family blamed me for his death and had little pity for my pain. I felt ashamed and broken in an irreparable way. Time has passed but the tragedy of his death still haunts me. My daughters have moved on but I know that it is just a matter time until they start questioning me about what happened. Suicide is not like any other death. The pain is worst because you know the person you loved made the decision to rip themselves from this world. His actions make me angry, sad, confused, and disappointed. I have moved forward under God’s guidance and developing my faith. I now know I should feel no guilt and that in the end I had no control over what he did. My sole purpose now is to love my daughters and to teach them that suicide is not the answer no matter how helpless you feel. I don’t give them details about his actions but I do tell them he had a choice.

We love you Nicolas we always will.

Nicolas Flores 1977-2006