The State of the Black Woman and Family

Copyright © 2008 by Alberta Parish

July 23, 2008, 4:17 AM

I think many black women are left to raise children alone, because many parents were not married before they had children. The men were not physically in the home from the very beginning. Also, there are many black teenage girls having babies, and of course having to often raise a child without help from the father. Another reason many black women are raising children alone is because the child's father is in prison. The state of Georgia's incarceration rate for minorities is very high. The laws in Georgia are much more tougher than they are in certain other states such as Minnesota, Iowa, or South and North Dakota. These states obviously don't have a very huge minority population. In my opinion, every state that has a huge minority population has tougher laws. For example, in the state of Georgia, guys are serving serious time in prison for non-payment of child support. In certain other states, the laws concerning non-payment of child support are not very strict, and many who fail to pay "court-ordered" child support don't see a single day in jail or prison. They'll get fined by the court or maybe lose their driver's license, but they won't serve jail or prison time. I believe the state of Georgia has one of the highest incarceration rates for black men in the entire country. Once again, this goes back to the problem of single mothers, many of whom are not well educated themselves, and as a result, have low-income jobs, and cannot provide adequate opportunities for their children. Public schools in many urban cities throughout the country are horrible. A report came out a couple of months ago stating that 49% of Georgia high school students did not graduate in 2008. Far too many black children are not graduating from high school. This really goes back to poor parenting. In my opinion, I think it is more the job of the parents to make sure his/her child graduate from high school than it is the school system's job. It is the school system's job to educate your child while he/she attends classes. However, it is the parent's job to make sure his/her child is learning adequately, completing all homework assignments, and attending all classes from Monday to Friday. It is the parent's job to sit down with his/her child, and discuss post-graduation plans. Not many kids are lucky enough to attend college on an athletic scholarship, which means the parents need to take a more active role in making sure their kid's grade point average is at least 3.0, so they can have a chance at getting into a great college. Of course, the SAT score can't be too low, because that'll ruin a kid's chance of getting into a great college, also.

If a lot of black men are sitting in jail or prison on either drug possession, non-payment of child support, illegal weapons possession, or even trumped-up and sometimes bogus charges, they can't be in the home physically, emotionally, and financially raising their children. This is a huge reason why black women are raising children alone.

I don't have any children, and therefore, I can't imagine what single mothers face on a day-to-day basis. Some being financially stable can afford to send their kids to private school, and provide great opportunities for their children. I mean, opportunities besides enrolling them in a sports program. However, there are far more children growing up in a single-parent home who is suffering financially along with his/her mother, often baring the burden of abject poverty, and sometimes even parental neglect because the mother may have to work long hours just to stay above water. Unfortunately, many women don't know the first thing about teaching a boy how to be a man. Many of them have not really been exposed to a real man, because a lot of them may have grown up without fathers in the home as well. A lot of them may have been in horrible relationships with men for most of their adult lives. Some may have started out with a psychopath for a boyfriend as early as fourteen or fifteen years of age. If you encounter a guy in his early to mid-20s who just doesn't have the first clue as to how to really treat a woman, he's most likely the product of a fatherless household. A young boy who has had an adequate father figure in his life is going to be a more grounded 20 to 25-year-old guy. He won't be perfect, but he won't be a complete a*hole either.

It is my opinion that many black women have children by men they're not married to because they think that by having his child that he's going to somehow love her unconditionally and stick around for the sake of the child. Unfortunately, this is not how things always turn out. I feel that a lot of these women are looking for love, because it is probably something many of them never got from their own biological fathers. Also, some women just want to have a child. They don't care if they're not married before having a child. They just want a child before they turn a certain age.

Even though I grew up without my father, I still learned what a real man is. Anybody can make a baby, but it takes a responsible parent to rear a child, and to make sure he/she is not sitting in prison for capital murder by the age of 18 or 19. Or become a serial killer (like my novel's character, Kenneth Morrison), who was sexually abused as a child. Just because you impregnate a female and she gives birth to your child doesn't make you a man. You become a man when you can take a human life, and guide this life from birth all the way to the age of 18, and see him/her graduate from high school unharmed, without a criminal record, and can carry himself or herself with dignity in the world. Too many grown little boys are having babies, and not sticking around for the long haul. Why are you in child support court? Why are you not taking care of your parental responsibilities? Just because you can't get along with the mother, don't make the child suffer. And if she won't let you see your child, take her to court. Because she surely will take you to court for non-payment of child support.

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