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An Honest Candidate!
BREAKING NEWS - Ireport exclusive: 8/20/08
Washington, DC
By: Henry Older Wiseman, ASPCA, DO, SARJ
NEW CENTRIST PARTY CANDIDATE THROWS COLLAR INTO THE FRAY!
Chairman Marmaduke, of the CDP has announced today that the Centrist Dogocratic Party has filed petitions this week which placed Ali Hassan Mutley Jr.'s name on the ballots for President of the USA in all 57 states.
This reporter had an exclusive interview with Mr. Mutley, accompanied by his handler Howley Dean, this morning; you are about to read this exclusive interview only on ireport -video to follow at 11.
We have "scooped" the "real poop" on the main stream media once again!
Question: "Mr. Mutley why are you qualified to be the Pres.?"
Mutley: "I have no political experience, I am black & white, I have an Arab first and middle name, I am a very liberal dog, I beg and crave attention, and I am not racist, I smell "all" breeds butts!"
Question: "Do you have any foreign policy experience?"
Mutley: "Yes, I once dated a German shepherd, I was close to an English Bull dog during college and my great grandfather humped a Russian wolfhound. "I admit freely that I had a litter of love puppies with a French Poodle." "That took some real negotiating." "I am currently working on an internationally televised dog concert where I can show voting dogs that I am number one in my breed."
Question: "Have you ever been elected to office?"
Mutley: "Of course you idiot, I served in the Canine Senate for almost five years before being impeached for humping Senator Daisy.
Question: "What are America's most important issues?"
Mutley: "UH, Uh, Uh, Arf-Arf-Arf-Arf -Free Vet insurance, we must take golden kibble from the rich dogs and feed the stray dogs, and we must solve kennel problems we have been barking about for year, after year, after year and UH, Uh, Uh, Woof, woof and woof!"
Question: "Have you given any thought to a VP running mate?"
Mutley: " I am considering Super Dog, Odie, and to show I can reach across the isle Garfield, that smart old Pussy cat.!" When I am elected, " Senator Rin-tin-tin will be Secretary of Defense and Senator Lassie will be Secretary of State (least I can do for her) and my old friend Senator Daisy well head up Homekennel Security."
Question: "Are you a religious dog?"
Mutley: "I have been a member of the United Congregation of Mad Dogs for most of my life. Rev. Pitt Bull has been my friend, mentor and family counselor. He officiated at my first time at stud, and has baptized my pups." His bark is worse than his bite unless he gets a little fired up, some are upset with his barking." "Sorry, my handler says not to talk about him anymore."
Question: " Have you selected a campaign slogan?"
Mutley: " I am considering three - "Dog Do-Do you can believe in" and "Humping America with a bark for Change" and "Yes we can bite you" someone also suggested "I Change the tree I water daily" but Rove-r said that would be a flip/flop!"
Question: "Do you feel you have a realistic chance of winning?"
Mutley: "Arfing right, I have an Arab sounding first and middle name and when all the voting dogs hear that I will tax all the rich dogs to death and pass out free steaks and free vet service to all non-working lazy dogs, they will love me." "Many will declare me the Messiah Dog of the Century."
Question: "Do you have any celebrity endorsements?"
Mutley: "Well there's Oprah who loves all Cocker Spaniels and don't forget the pack of Hollywood socialistic suck-up hounds to numerous to mention."
Question: "How do you feel about the Iraq war?"
Mutley: "This is my best Whine" "We need to withdraw our fighting dogs from Iraq and send them to fight the Afghan Hounds, they are the real terrorist wolf pack, I think or maybe I don't! But I do know "I will capture Osama bin Dogden, I hear he is shacked up with a Pakistani Poodle or Uh, Uh. Uh was that a goat?" "Anyway I will sniff him out."
Question: "Is there anything else you want America to know about you?"
(Brief pause while Mr. Mutley's handler whispers in his ear)
Mutley: "After careful thought and prompting from my handlers I better say "As an American Christian dog, I strongly renounce my mentor, advisor and friend, the "Wright-Leftwing" Pit Bull who has taught me everything I know about humping racist white English bull dogs." "There is no truth to the rumor that I was raised in a Muslim Kennel, I will provide free Vet service to all the half breeds, illegal Chihuahua's and those liberal minded dogs with a Bonehead complex." Voters never have to worry about my messing with intern puppies, Jesse Jackson caught me in an alley last night."
"Mutley for Pres. In 2008 The only candidate who can smell out ignorant, disgruntled dog handlers and bring them into the pack."
Reporter: "Thank you Mr. Mutley, I wish you all the luck in the world. Someday you may be TOP DOG! I appreciate your direct answers to the important issues facing our country today! I hope we can talk again soon.
REMEMBER YOU SAW IT FIRST ON "ireport"
Washington, DC
By: Henry Older Wiseman, ASPCA, DO, SARJ
NEW CENTRIST PARTY CANDIDATE THROWS COLLAR INTO THE FRAY!
Chairman Marmaduke, of the CDP has announced today that the Centrist Dogocratic Party has filed petitions this week which placed Ali Hassan Mutley Jr.'s name on the ballots for President of the USA in all 57 states.
This reporter had an exclusive interview with Mr. Mutley, accompanied by his handler Howley Dean, this morning; you are about to read this exclusive interview only on ireport -video to follow at 11.
We have "scooped" the "real poop" on the main stream media once again!
Question: "Mr. Mutley why are you qualified to be the Pres.?"
Mutley: "I have no political experience, I am black & white, I have an Arab first and middle name, I am a very liberal dog, I beg and crave attention, and I am not racist, I smell "all" breeds butts!"
Question: "Do you have any foreign policy experience?"
Mutley: "Yes, I once dated a German shepherd, I was close to an English Bull dog during college and my great grandfather humped a Russian wolfhound. "I admit freely that I had a litter of love puppies with a French Poodle." "That took some real negotiating." "I am currently working on an internationally televised dog concert where I can show voting dogs that I am number one in my breed."
Question: "Have you ever been elected to office?"
Mutley: "Of course you idiot, I served in the Canine Senate for almost five years before being impeached for humping Senator Daisy.
Question: "What are America's most important issues?"
Mutley: "UH, Uh, Uh, Arf-Arf-Arf-Arf -Free Vet insurance, we must take golden kibble from the rich dogs and feed the stray dogs, and we must solve kennel problems we have been barking about for year, after year, after year and UH, Uh, Uh, Woof, woof and woof!"
Question: "Have you given any thought to a VP running mate?"
Mutley: " I am considering Super Dog, Odie, and to show I can reach across the isle Garfield, that smart old Pussy cat.!" When I am elected, " Senator Rin-tin-tin will be Secretary of Defense and Senator Lassie will be Secretary of State (least I can do for her) and my old friend Senator Daisy well head up Homekennel Security."
Question: "Are you a religious dog?"
Mutley: "I have been a member of the United Congregation of Mad Dogs for most of my life. Rev. Pitt Bull has been my friend, mentor and family counselor. He officiated at my first time at stud, and has baptized my pups." His bark is worse than his bite unless he gets a little fired up, some are upset with his barking." "Sorry, my handler says not to talk about him anymore."
Question: " Have you selected a campaign slogan?"
Mutley: " I am considering three - "Dog Do-Do you can believe in" and "Humping America with a bark for Change" and "Yes we can bite you" someone also suggested "I Change the tree I water daily" but Rove-r said that would be a flip/flop!"
Question: "Do you feel you have a realistic chance of winning?"
Mutley: "Arfing right, I have an Arab sounding first and middle name and when all the voting dogs hear that I will tax all the rich dogs to death and pass out free steaks and free vet service to all non-working lazy dogs, they will love me." "Many will declare me the Messiah Dog of the Century."
Question: "Do you have any celebrity endorsements?"
Mutley: "Well there's Oprah who loves all Cocker Spaniels and don't forget the pack of Hollywood socialistic suck-up hounds to numerous to mention."
Question: "How do you feel about the Iraq war?"
Mutley: "This is my best Whine" "We need to withdraw our fighting dogs from Iraq and send them to fight the Afghan Hounds, they are the real terrorist wolf pack, I think or maybe I don't! But I do know "I will capture Osama bin Dogden, I hear he is shacked up with a Pakistani Poodle or Uh, Uh. Uh was that a goat?" "Anyway I will sniff him out."
Question: "Is there anything else you want America to know about you?"
(Brief pause while Mr. Mutley's handler whispers in his ear)
Mutley: "After careful thought and prompting from my handlers I better say "As an American Christian dog, I strongly renounce my mentor, advisor and friend, the "Wright-Leftwing" Pit Bull who has taught me everything I know about humping racist white English bull dogs." "There is no truth to the rumor that I was raised in a Muslim Kennel, I will provide free Vet service to all the half breeds, illegal Chihuahua's and those liberal minded dogs with a Bonehead complex." Voters never have to worry about my messing with intern puppies, Jesse Jackson caught me in an alley last night."
"Mutley for Pres. In 2008 The only candidate who can smell out ignorant, disgruntled dog handlers and bring them into the pack."
Reporter: "Thank you Mr. Mutley, I wish you all the luck in the world. Someday you may be TOP DOG! I appreciate your direct answers to the important issues facing our country today! I hope we can talk again soon.
REMEMBER YOU SAW IT FIRST ON "ireport"
In response to assignment: Campaign 2008
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