At the DNC: Anti-Bird Porn Legislation

September 7, 2008 | Vetting explained

Posted by:
Dan68

Viewed 150 times
Shared 6 times
Last updated: October 21, 2008

iReport —

A former birdwatcher, who recently resigned from his club in Meritt Island, FL, said:“I am sad about the reprehensible behavior of these bird watchers who need to satisfy their pornographic pleasures by engaging in public bird sex voyeurism. Shame on them!" When a local news crew caught one watcher in the act, he said to the reporter, "I'm getting my bird freak on right now. It's a life decision. You don't get some bird booty on Monday and call up Charlene on Tuesday. Guys ask me "Hey, let's go out and get some girls." I say, "No way man, tonight it's just gonna be me and some hot steamy bird booty for me man. Bird booty is where it's at." We consulted with a psychologist who studies bird-watching on the matter and she told our reporters, "Off the record, adults, disguised as bird watchers mask their debauchery by taking trips in groups. They can then achieve climax in the safety of the woods. Particularly disturbing is the high number of senior citizens using binoculars and telescopes to observe birds mating. These horny Peeping Toms satisfy their craving for sex by focusing their debasement on birds. This perversion must be halted, otherwise the entire moral fibre of our nation is going to hell." We had a chance to interview off camera a former voyeur and poultryfiliac at the DNC who told us, "Birds are great like Big Breasted Cocklesuckles, but why stop? Bird sex- it's the bomb. I had to stop for a wile after one day at the park, I mean you run across the ground with a Robbin (at least I think that was her name), suck on its wang and BAM! You're branded a monster. I don't get it. Oh, you mean watching. Oh snap!" Currently, a member of Congress who requested anonymity, is quietly drafting legislature that would levy stiff fines against people caught with bird porn in their possession, either photos or internet images. More on this at www.stopbirdporn.org.

Share this on:

del.icio.us

StumbleUpon

Comments

iReport welcomes a lively discussion, so comments on iReports are not pre-screened before they post. See the iReport community guidelines for details about content that is not welcome on iReport.

What is iReport?

Share

Tell a story, offer an opinion, say what's important to you.
Discuss

Join the conversation on the day's big issues.
Be heard

The best iReports get vetted and used on CNN platforms.

iReport is a user-generated section of CNN.com. The stories here come from users. CNN has vetted only the stories marked with the "CNN" badge. MORE...

CNN iReport