CNN iReport

CHEROKEE, NC (kTV) - A leisurely picnic turns into a crime scene when a small, black perpetrator infiltrates a family blanket and makes off with a heist 5 times his size.  Details are sketchy although one eye witness reports:

“It was the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen.  This little dude strolls on up, unbeknowst to the people around it, and totally makes off with this huge ass piece of chicken that was 5 times his size!  I don’t know if the kid even knew it was going on.”

Apparently distracted by the nearby stream and helping his 3 year old brother change into clean underwear, 12 year old T. J. Woods was robbed of one of his cherished possessions.  On his plate: one decimated Colonel Sander’s fried chicken breast, a healthy helping of cole slaw, and mac & cheese that was the color of something ungodly.  Asked later if he was witness to the thievery, the 12 year old reports:

“You know, I’m not a fan of the skin so I peeled it all off.  Then I picked apart the meat ’cause I’m, like, this totally finicky eater.  Then I saw this flat rock and thought ‘dude, this rock is perfect for skipping across the stream.’  Then, I saw my younger brother taking off his wet clothes and he got totally naked and, man, I didn’t want anything to do with that, so I went for Gma’s Gatorade and drank some while she wasn't lookin'.  Then next thing I know, I got some chicken gone!”

No arrests have been made but there was one eyewitness who captured the event on camera. The elusive thief is said to be about 4 centimeters long, have a big black booty, and is reported to be quick on his feet. Please consider armed and dangerous.

If you have any information or leads in relation to this crime, please call your local authorities.