Divorced for 9 years, I have been struggling from the start to maintain my childrens' home for them so they would not be disrupted from their school and friends and the neighborhood they are comfortable in during the long hours that I am away in Chicago working.  One by one they have gone off to college, strapping me with additional debt just as their child support money disappears. My family and their ex-father live on  the west coast, so I have had to either pay someone each time the house has a major catastrophe (plumbing is the bane of my life) or simply let it go.  In 2005 I got razzle-dazzled into refinancing the house for far more than it is worth, and far more than I could realistically pay.  But I clung to it, because it is the only house my youngest son has ever known, and he doesn't want to leave it.  I kept telling myslef I just need to get him through high school, then I can move away.  Meanwhile I ate up all the money in my 401K and worked as much overtime as possible and sold all my books of value and family heirlooms, and replaced sump pumps multiple times.

But in September I lost half of my remaining child support, and my 12 year old Saturn needed $3,000 of suspension work, and the house had some "can't put this off any longer" repairs estimated at $12,000+.  Can't be done.  I can't even make the $2,100 mortgage payment on it any more. Everyone tells me to stay put--it will take the bank months to foreclose and I can just save the money.  I guess I have more ethics than the government.  I am giving the house back with a deed in lieu, and moving into one that isn't much larger than the master bedroom of the current one.  We are leaving behind everything that is not essential.  We are leaving behind everything that is left of our family.

So what do I think of my tax dollars baling out the corrupt people like my mortgage broker? Some days I want to call down hellfire and brimstone on there heads. Other days I don't have the strength.